Men's Rumble 2023 spoilers!

Everyone is in the ring waiting for number 30 (that's right, all 29 competitors are in the ring with NO eliminations yet for the first time ever!) The buzzer goes off and SHANE MCMAHON'S music hits! Shane does the Shane Shuffle out to the top of the ramp. "It IS Shane. Shane IS here. That's right! The company's up for sale, and Shane-O-Mac GOT HIM SOME, pops! I now own 0.08% of the WWE! And pops, just like the Alliance kicked your ass in 2011, I'm now going to kick the asses of all 29 men in the ring like I own them...BECAUSE I DO!" And he runs to the ring and starts throwing SPEARS to everyone while shouting "WHAM WHAM WHAM!"

But then the buzzer goes off again and number 31 comes out! IT'S RIC FLAIR! "WOOOOOO! That's right, Vince! A consurtium bought the company out from under you! And The Consortium was ME! WOOOOO! And lots of other people! WOOOO!" And he struts down to the ring and struts all around it going "WOOOOO!" because he hasn't been cleared to do anything physical!

Then the buzzer goes off again and it's DIXIE CARTER at number 32! "My daddy is a panda and he bought me 0.008% of the WWE, y'all! I said 'Daddy, I want to buy WWE!' and he said 'I thought you already bought it' and I said "No, that was TNA, y'all!' and he said 'HOLY SHIT I gave you all that money and you spent it on TNA? FUCK!' And does the Dixie Shuffle!

Number 33 is Mr. T who is also one of the owners for some reason!

Number 34 is KAT DENNINGS who says "I'm not a BROKE GIRL after all because I own 0.0000008% of the WWE!" Then walks away.

Number 35 is BILLY CORGAN who draws the letters "N W A" in the air with his finger and is dragged away by security!

Number 36 is Doink!

Number 37 is one of Bray's fucking puppets.

Number 38 is Mohammed bin Salman! He says "I have purchsed 99.08% of the WWE with my consortium of good friends! And now we need a champion the great progressive nation of Saudi Arabia can be proud of! That's right, it's time for Mansoor to become a MAN for SURE!"

Number 39 is Mansoor who runs out through the crowd and eliminates everyone else (EXCEPT Cody who who Shane SPREAED through the barricade!) But when he tries to eliminate Shane, Shane just stands there and then starts throwing POTATO punches at Mansoor! Shane says "I'm doing a HOSTILE takeover, WHAM WHAM WHAM!" while Mansoor looks confused and bruised! But then the buzzer goes again!

Number 40 is VINCE MCMAHON who walks out holding a contract and says "actually I never signed the contract! I still ownt he company! And I'm not running to the ring because I know what it'll do to my quads! Shane, throw yourself out!" Then Shane looks sad and throws himself out. Then Cody runs back in and throws Mansoor out to win and starts crying.