Austin/Owens spoilers

 

Owens comes out to host his talk show and says “I’ve got bad news, Texas! It seems SOMEBODY has let down the air in the tyres of the monster truck Stone Cold was going to drive out here!  I guess there’s no way for him to get to the ring now!”  And it cuts to a shot outside showing a monster truck with flat tyres.  But then suddenly a GIGANTIC WHEEL squashes that monster truck and we see it belongs to an even BIGGER, HOUSE-SIZED monster truck (built by MICHAEL BAY!)  Stone Cold drives this monster truck into the stadium, destroying the set completely as he does (don’t worry, it will be rebuilt in time for tomorrow’s show, by a team of set builders led by SHANE MCMAHON in his new set building role!)

 

Once Austin is the ring, Owens says “Okay, now that you’re here, let’s have a match…a CHILL EATING match!”  And Austin says “Well Jesus Christ son why didn’t you just say so old Stone Cold LOVES to eat chilli let’s get it on, son!”  And they each take turn eating CHILLI. Both eat all the chillis and aren’t affected at all, untl Owens pulls out his special INCREDIBLY STRONG CANADIAN CHILLI from under the ring and it’s in a biohzard jar!  Owens eats it first and is completely fine, but when Austin eats it his face goes PURPLE and he falls to the mat holding his throat!  Then Owens says “Oh no, looks like Stone Cold is CHOKING TO DEATH on the HOTNESS of this chilli, hahaha, Texas sucks!”  Then Ownes climbs all four turnbuckles doing the Stone Cold saulte!

 

But while Owens is doing this, Austin VOMITES the chilli out of his mouth into a cowboy hat held for him by Michael Cole (they offered JR this spot but he wasn’t willing to violate his AEW contract to have his hat puked into.)  Owens turns round and Austin is standing there with a mic and says “Jesus Christ son I’ve watched The Simpsons I know you coated your throat with wax like Homer in that one episode well you know what they say son, wax on…WAX OFF!” Then he gives Owens the Stunner and WAX goes flying out of Owens’ mouth!  Austin then shoves the biohazard chilli down Owens’ mouth and Owens goes purple!  But instead of choking he grabs his ASS and there’s LOUD FARTING NOISES!  Austin says “That’s right son this chill affects Canadians differently than normal people by making you SHIT YOURSELF!”  Then Owens starts to run backstage to get some toilet paper but Austin says “Look at Titan Tron Kevin!” and on the big screen we see a huge pile of thousands of rolls of toilet paper ALL ON FIRE!  And Austin says “OH HELL YEAH SON we’re having a TEXAS TOILET PAPER BBQ YOU PIECE OF TRASH!” and pretends to drink some beers as the fans go crazy.  And Owens is off tv for six weeks selling that he shat out an organ.