15/12/01

I am back wit more hot newz! And the biggest most hottest newz is that Chris Jeriko is teh NEW undisputed world champion of the civilised world (america)!!! And he did a lionsault right thru the glass cieling and shattered it into a milleon pieces! And when Benwah comes back, he'll be a main eventer too and so will Dean Malenko and they will all have five star ***** workrate matches!

Good old JR said this is the Ross Report "The Big Show needs to pick up the pace a half a step or so, to say the least. But he is showing the attitude and the desire to do that. He would be more effective, in my view, carrying less weight, and that is a situation we talk to him about on a regular basis." I think this is a cryptic hidden message that I have decoded to mean that Big Show will be FIRED on New Years Day if he doesn't lose fifty pounds lb over Christmas!

The Undertaker got a hair cut becauze he was driving home on his bike and his hair got in his eyes and he crashed his bike right into Death Valley! And it would have killed a normal man but the old dead man just sat up like a frakenstien!

As you may have heard, Rakishi went crazy and started shooting on people in Ohio! And it happened when a Kevin Nash impersonator messed up a spot and Rikisha got a chair and rammed it right down his throat! and then he gave everyone in the match SHOOT stinky faces! And then he started dancing and refused to stop! And they had to get the police to arrest him but he was still boogieing all night in his jail cell!!!

Shawn Micheals is going to be on Excess soon and this means he's returning and he'll be on RAw! But he wont be a wrestler cause he's 2 old and his back is broken, but he will be the new commishner! And he'll cume out in a cow boy hat and boots with a six shooter and say "there's a new sheriff in town...ME!" but then James Brown plays and it's The Cat! The JR sez "good to see Th Cat in the WWF" but The King says "Good? That slut left me for the Dupps" but JR sez "JESUS CHRIST KING, THAT'S ERNEST MILLER, NOT YOUR SLUT BY GAWD WIFE!". and Cat sayz that HE wants to be commishner so they have an arm wrestling match at Royal Rumble to decide tha new commish!!! But Mike Sanders will run in and ruin the great match and he'll be an evil commish and Cat and Shawn will team up to beat him!

The Game's comebacck has been changed again to throw off the smart smarks! And now he'll come back on the first raw of Januar LIVE in Madisons squared gardens! And it'll be when Rick Flair and Vince are splitting the rooster into two and they'll play rock/paper/scissors/ to decided who picks a wrestler first and Vince winz and he says "here is my first pick" and then "Beuatifull Day" by You Two playz and OMG, it's Tripel H! But Tripel H gives Vince a pedigree and hugs Flair and sayz "LEEEEEEEEET's get ready to SUCK IT!" and he is a juvenile faces again!

There's a rumour that Lita will try to get back at Matt Hardy this week by filiming him in the shower then digitally making his penis look smaller then playing the altered footage to teh entire wordl! But when she goes to film the footage, TEST is in the shower! And Test sayz "you have to come into the shower with me since I'm immune" and she does! But its just a rumor but I bet Test does get all the chickz!

William Regal is going to go on vacateon to the UK! And he's going to be knighted by the Queen! And he has a party with the Queen and King Charles but Charles gets durnk and pisses in Regals tea like Jericho did! So Regal hits Charles with his brass nucks and sez "You tart, take that, you bloody sunshine!".

As you may know, there's been a lot of desturbing and VILE reports reports of bullying and hazing in the WWF locker room! and apparantly this all started when Billy Silverman updated to first class on his plane and rasied the ire of big bad Brad Shaw! And Brad Shaw made Billy smuggel ILLEGAL BEER over the candian border! and he did but then Brad Shaw said "that isn't beer it's my pee you dumb shit" and he made Silverman Drink it and then he gave him the clothesline from hell! So I've done a special report into this hazing! First I called JR!

Me: Hey dood is Brad Shaw really a big bully?

JR: FUCK NO! BRAD SHAW AIN'T NOTHING BUT A BONAFIDE, TEXAS SIZE, HOSS.

Me: And what about Billy Silverman?

JR: THAT DAMN SILVERMAN AIN'T NUTTIN' BUT A BASTARD.

Me: Thanx 4 ur help!

(phonecall ends)

Then I decided to call a former WWF wrestler to see what he had to say!

Me: Hey dood!

Wrestler: Hello. Now remember, I want to remain anomynous (sp!?)

Me: That's kewl wit me! So, is Brad Shaw a big bully?

Wrestler: He sure is!

Me: Wow! And does JR know about the bullying?

Wrestler: Hell yeah! And not oklaHOMO jackass didn't do a damn thing about it!

Me: OMG! And did Brad Shaw really used to touch up men in showerz!?

Wrestler: Yeah! He did!

Me: OMG, Roadie, did he touch u?

Wrestler: Damn it, don't say my name!

Me: Sorry, Dogg.

Wrestler: You idiot! Now Brad Shaw's going to come after me!

Me: LOL!

(phonecall ends.)

Now I decided to call the leggy Stacy Keibler who has also reportedly been bullyed!

Me: OMG, I'm on the phone to Stacy Keibler!

Stacy: Hi.

Me: did Brad Shaw pick on u?

Stacy: It was just ribbing.

Me: What did he do?

Stacy: Well, he did something to my boots...

Me: OMG, he took a shit in your boots!?

Stacy: No, he hid them.

Me: Oh. How long are ur legz?

Stacy: sixty inches!

Me: YOU MAKE ME MASTURWANK!

Stacy: Yuk!

(phonecall ends.)

Now I decided to get it straight from the HOSSES mouth (lol) and phoned Brad Shaw!

Me: He Brad Shaw!

Brad Shaw: Hello.

Me: Did Billy Silverman deserve everything he gets?

Brad Shaw: Hell yeah! That bastards got some nerve, upgrading to first class!

Me: What's wrong with upgrading anyway?

Brad Shaw: It's just morally wrong!

Me: So are you a big bully?

Brad Shaw: Well, you have to keep the new wrestlers in check, you know?

Me: So you're just keeping new comers in line?

Brad Shaw: Exactly!

Me: And referees?

Brad Shaw: Um, yeah.

Me: And women?

Brad Shaw: Um...we can't have them mouthing off!

Me: Yeah! My girlfriend mouthed off, so I threated to rock bottom her!

Brad Shaw: Man, you can't treat a lady like that!

Me: But how is that different form how you treated Stacy Keibler?

Brad Shaw: Uh...it just is! Now shut up before I clothesline you!

Me: YOU BIG BULLY!

(phonecall ends)

Now I decided to call up the man himself...Billy Kidman!

Me: Hey Billy how come you upgrading to first class?

Kidman: Uh, I think you want Billy Silverman.

Me: Oopz!

(phonecall ends.)

Me: Hey Billy SILVERMAN.

Billy: Hello.

Me: Why did you upgrade to first class?

Billy: I didn't know I was doing anything wrong!

Me: You ignorant bastard! Who are the main bullies in the WWF?

Billy: Hmm, Brad Shaw for sure and Earl Hebner.

Me: You let that old man Hebner bully you? LMAO!

Billy: Hey, shut up!

Me: Is it true that Brad Shaw touches wrestlers in the shower?

Billy: Yeah, it's true. It's all true!

Me: Did he ever touch you, Billy?

Billy: He...he...

Me: He wanted to have gaynal sex with you!?

Billy: (cries)

Me: OMG!

(phonecall ends.)

There you go! I got to the TRUTH! BAck next week with more hot newz and more TRUTH DOODZ!

(Please credit HotWWFNewz and SlashWrestling when stealing this newz.)

SAVIO VEGA TO MAKE COMEBACK? AUSTIN AND BOOKER TO HAVE A MATCH IN SHOPPING MALL WHERE AUSTIN WINS BE THROWING BOOKER DOWN AN ELEVATOR SHAFT? TAZZ TO WIN THE EUROPEAN TITLE AND BECOME A STEREOTYPICAL ITALIAN CHARACTER? RAVEN TO FORM NEW FLOCK WITH SICK BOY, SATURN AND MARK HENRY? PLUS HOT NAKED PICS OF LITA GREASING STACY KEIBLER'S LEGS UP WHILE WEARING A THONG WITH VISIBLE NIPPLE SLIP CLICK HERE!

15/11/01

Hey my doodz!!! Surviviro series, the thanksgiving tradition that started in 1734 when native indians fighted the european settlers to the death in REAL wrestling matches, is coming at cha on Sunday!!!! ANd OMG, after survivor series theres not going to be no more WWF or WCW or ECW and half the wrasslers are gonna get fired and their going to have to work 4 Brain Knobbs and Hulk Hogan and do jobs for Horace Hogan and Buff Bagwell!!!!! And I'm going to try to get the survivor series booking sheet, but right now here is Smackdown resluts from my man DEADMANWALKINGECDUB!!!

Here they is!

"Hey man! I was at smackdown last night in Madison Squared Gardens and Ive got the rapings resutlts for ur kewl site!

DARK MATCHES! I was surprised that they didn't turn the lights out for the dark matcheS!!! ADn in the first one, Sick Boy beat Beau Dupp and in the second one Russ Hass beat Brock Lesner then finally Randy Orton beat Shelton Bejamin and all these matches sucked cuz I didn't know who the people were and I bet they were never in ECWDUBYA and dont know the meaning of hardcore!

HEAT MATCHES! Tazz cumes out and I chant, YOU SOLD OUT, YOU SOLD OUT and he spits at me!

Albert and Scotty 2 Hotty beat Lance Storm and Justin Incredible with a double worm. THEY ARE WASTING THE IMPACT PLAYAZ!!!

Kidman beat Funkai: YAWN, these guys aren't hardcore!

Chavo beat Crash: I chanted EDDY GOT FIRED at Chavo and he startedd crying!

SMACKDOWN TAPINGS!! Lilian sang america the beautiful and I could see up her skirt!

Undertaker beat William Regal: This was a greate match! Undertaker is the only WWF guy who could survive in ECWDUB and he isn't old or fat and he DOES sell moves and hes a technical wrestling king and Scott Keith can suck my ass! Undertake one with the last ride in 90 seconds.

Kane beat Kurt Angle: Kane is good but he ain't as good as the old dead man! And he made Kurt tap to his own ankle lock and Kurt was crying into his milk afterwards!

Paul Heyman did a promo and it was hardcore! At first I chanted "YOU SOLD OUT" to Heyman but at the end I was chanting "EC DUB YA!" cus Paul E told the TROOTH about how ECW invented hardcore wrestling and WWF stole it and how ECW was the first company to use tables and chairs and ladders and beer and how the WWF stole Stone Cold and Triple H from EC DUB YA! And then Vince came out and said "WHAT THE HELLLLL are tyou talking about, stop shooting!" but Paul E kicked him in the ballz! And I think Paul E is a face now cause everfyone was chating ECWDUB with me!

Jericho beat Saturn: Who cares, neither of these guyz were ever in ECDUB!

Backstage, Edge was drinking some water then Christian walked up and sed "I totally peed in that water, bro!" and Edge spat it on Christian and chased him but he ran rite into Test big boot and Christian said "I didn't pee, but our mom did a shit 27 years ago when she gave birth to you!"

DDP beat Tajiri after William Regal threw hot tea in Tajiri's eyes and Tajir staggerd around blind but he still kicked Regal in the ears then challenged him to a blidnfold match on Sunday!

Big Show came out dressed as Andre the gian and said Andre was his dad who died from cancer wrestlig Big John Stuff for the WWF and he'll win at Survivor Series for Andre but then the Big Bossman came out and said "hey big freakshow, I'm the biggest newest memmber of the alliance and by the way, I was wrestling Andre when he died and I killed that big nasty bastard!" and Big Show started crying and Bossman sprayed pepper in his eyes and hit him with his stick and sed "your serving hard time, just like your dead daddy is in hell, BOY!"

Dudleys beat Palumbo and Billy Gunn and Billy and Chuck nearly fought afterwards but then they hugged and Billy said, "come on, I'll show you why they call me the ass man!" and they touched each other on the balls and went backstage!

Lita beat Ivory and I could see Lita thongs and the top of her ass and it ruled and then afterwards Jeff Hardy came out and hugged Lita then Matt came out and said "get you hands off my bitch!" and gave him the twist of fate but then Lita said "dont call me a bitch Matt I'm serious" and Matt said "don't go there girlfriend" and Lita said "no matt I'm serious don't call me a girlfirned I mean a bitch and matt no matt I'm serious Matt" and Matt gave her the twist of fat and said "I'm sick of having sex with your ass!" and walked away and we all booed and then a fan tried to jump into the ring to rape Lita but I stopped him and everyone cheered me and Lita kissed me on the cheek...THE BUTT CHEEK!

Hahaha,I made that up1

The Hurrican beat Dean Malenko: Then then Dean said "i've been in a wrestling for 31 years and now its time to retire" but no one cared and I sand "nanana na, na na na na, hey hey hey, good riddance!" and everyone laffed at Dean and then climbed on top of the titan tron and said he'll kill himself but Chris Benwah came out in a neckbrace and said Dean has so much to live for and Dean said "like what?" and Benwah said "good point!" and Dean jumped!

Main event was a singing contest between Austin and The Rock again and Austin sang Enimen and he said "Hi, my name is WHAT? My name si WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?" and he said what for ten minutes straigth then the crowd said what for 23 minutes then Rock said what for half an hour then Austin said "DTA YOU PIECE OF SHIT" and stunned the Rock then Booker T came out and said "SUCKA, this has GOTS to be a dancing contest" and Austin did the spinarronie but then The Rock did a better Spinaroonie and Booker sed Rock wins so Austin stunned Booker and Rock sang "aMerican pie" but he sang it as "poontang pie" and he said Autin doesn't like Poontang and he has a bigger strudel than Austin and he also has bigger BALLS than the Austin and Austin said he has a 24 inch ratlesnake and he was going to get it out but Val VEnis came back and said it is unaccpetable to show your dick on tee vee so rock stunn4d him and Austin did the People elbow and then Rock and Austin hugged but Jericho came out and said Rock is a tratior for hugging Austin but then RVD came out and said Austin is a trator for hugging Rock but then RVD stunned Austin and Jericho rock bottomed Rock and then Jerich hugged RVD but RVD busted him open by accident on the hug so JEricho gave RVD a neckbreaker and JEricho was the last man standing and JR scream "WILL IT BE LIKE THIS THIIS SUNDAY TUNE IN TO FIND OUT" then he thought the show was over and said "that oughta to hold those little SOBs" but Mitchell Cole sais "we're still on the air!" so JR give Micheal Mole a wedgie to a big pop and said "SUCK IT!"

And that is what happened at Smackdonw tapings!"

Wow, JR said SUCK IT? Are you sure he didn't say "I suck!" lol back soon wit more newz for all my homiez!